The Big Bad Tales
by Gabigreb
Summary: Thank you for checking out this story! My first story, I hope you like it, You know, all of that. Thank you!
1. Chapter 1

Episode 1

Who cares anymore, right? At this precise fucking moment I could be dying on the floor and no one would give a shit… Well… How rude of myself… I'm guessing you guys were told tales when Little…maybe Big Bad Wolf rings a bell… Yeah, that's me. Big news? Though titties. I am not a words guy, my thing has always been killing. So… well, what can I say? A guy with a flannel shirt opened my belly wide because i wanted to eat a girl… so what? Dude, if you're gonna protect the girl, do it for a goddamn reason instead of F**** the hell out of the Wolf, Could ya?

Hm…what else do I remember… Oh, yes, the pigs. What can I say about them? The small brother has demmanded me for destroying his house. I don't think that knocking off a few piled up bales of Straw means a real problem for the trial… but what can I expect from them, they are pigs. Thinking it's not their greatest skill. Maybe I should eat bacon next time I find them… Nah, I don't think the cops are happy with that. Same problem with the one of the wooden house, YOU DIDN'T WORK SO HARD ON THE HOUSE IF I COULD KNOCK IT OFF BLOWING, ASSHOLE!

At last, the big brother, but he's too busy not giving a shit…How accurate for a pig, huh?

And now, the Seven Little goats… First time i succeed and they open my belly again, to fill it with rocks (Again…) And throw me to the water to drown (Again…) At this rate I'll learn how to breath underwater and try to make Sushi with the Little mermaid. Maybe it Works out better than the pigs, Red hoodies, and goats, and hey! You're curious too about what does a mermaid taste like…I hope so.

After those kicks in the balls to my reputation I decided to get more calm. Maybe it's better,I'm still trying to completely heal the two scars on my tum. Aaand only hunt things that cannot talk. Yesterday the toad came to claim help. When I asked why should i help him he told me that i could have the chance to beat the Woods out of The Woodsman… Hey, How would you react if they killed you twice? (In fact, I'm still questioning how in the world am I still alive.) Let's say that I accepted…

Well, when I arrived i saw the problem. Don't ask me what the fuck happened. But the woodsman licked the toad… When I try to picture how did it happen in my mind, I can only think about bestiality… Even when I'm not the best one to talk about it. (Now that I think of it, You must be questioning how am I typing this out… Does Baba Yaga Ring a bell? She's some russian witch. The thing is that she allowed me to turn human when I wished not to scare people or to do things that needed…well, You know, Thumbs.) You know, no one teaches you what to do when you find your nemesis with his pupils of the size of a fist doing the rain dance. So I did what came out of me….eeer… well… that includes fists. Now the guy is at the hospital with his chopping arm broken. (Fuck him. Next time he can shove his axe up his flannel ass) and Toad has sent him a preety Fancy letter.(When I red "fuck you" the 13th time, and "Go lick your own balls" by 12th. I could deduce he was angry…


	2. Second entry

Dear Diary, I am not made for starting texts with bullshit. Screw you too. I don't even know what this text exactly is, I wanted to type, Ok?

Fair enough, about last day, Woodsman sent me a mail like: "U R An asshull, Mudafucka" and other insults to whoever invented english.

Walking arround the Street i Found Momsy bear on the walmart here, I hope you are still able to move that fat ass after eating that ham, You 3D-Winnie-the-pooh Shit. I wonder where's Goldie Locks. Thought her and the bears were always together. She must be busy ruining L'oreal. Wrong for me, seems like she's in a date with the Little bear. Yes, inter-species fucking and I'm the sick one. What will be the next, changing cows for plants…? Oh, Hi Jack.

Finding myself bored, I follow my nose until a corner to turn arround and find some Green guy with tight pants pointing at me with an arrow.

(Note from Tinkerbell: That might explain why he arrived to the hospital with a bow and arrow up his rectus)

At certain point, crossing the Street, hearing "I'm late, I'm late", a motorcycle hit me just to stop dry and Project a White ball with ears over my head, right into the fountain. Triple.

Just a while later at the commissary, he complains about me to the vixen on the desk that types. Her face screams that she hasn't been laid for years, But seeing that face, i can understand the poor motherfucker that owns the other ring. When the rabbit is done, Bagheera procedes to arrest me. I growl. She's back to india with a Brand-new psycologist. The rabbit is the third guy i send to the hospital this week. This time of a heart arrest… I'm starting to think i should control myself.

When I finally get home, and take out the keys, i find a teenager filled with piercings, an "Emo" haircut. One of these modern things I don't understand. And a Red hoodie. Oh, Now I know, who she is. No, I won't let you sleep here. No, I don't owe you shit. Next time think twice before shoving stones in someone's belly, walking second-hand tampon. In the end, she flirts with flycatcher to sleep at his place. No weird your boyfriend doesn't want you to sleep at his place if you do that, Bitch. If you have boyfriends that last more tan 12 hours.

Next morning i go to the hall in my pijamas to pick up the newspaper with my coffee on-hand. I look up to see Red Riding with weird marks on her mouth. That's karma, My friend.


End file.
